Strange viewpoint from a 50something

Archive for November, 2013

One question after another, conclusion.

25 questions concluded….

21. The saddest time that shook your world. The death of my Mom. A year ago this past Sunday. By far, one of the hardest years I’ve endured. I’ve wondered many times why her death has hit me so hard… I’ve lost many other important people in my lifetime. She was my Mom. She was my anchor. It’s true I am older but she always kept me grounded and she inspired me with her spunkyness. She was so many things to me. The void is very huge. And I still hurt.

22. The unfulfilled ambition that still haunts you. Throughout my childhood and into my teens, I was going to be a singer. And back then I could sing. Maybe if I hadn’t felt so insecure I might have taken a different path with it. But at that time, my sorry self-esteem did not go well with my teen years. I did a lot of things I shouldn’t have and ran with the wrong people, trying to find some sort of validation. Eventually delving into the world of drugs and mischief, and I didn’t look back for many, many years. The fact that I came out on the other side of the drug use is a wonder, but I did. And that I am fairly undamaged from the abuse to my body, has me perplexed! Unfortunately, the loss of my innocence and the loss of my voice changed that long ago dream.

23. 23 was actually a question I didn’t like. And because I am so mentally challenged at this time, I can’t even make one up.

24. Describe your funeral. I would like for there to be a gathering, just as we did for my Mom. We called it a Celebration of Life Party. Remembering the good times. Yes, there was a lot of crying. Remembering the good times. There was also much laughter. Remembering the good times. Just the way she wanted it. Always remembering the good times, that is how I want it. Simple as that.

25. The way you want to be remembered. That I helped other people realize just how wonderful it is to have life by the ass. Until that last breath… you’re in charge! No matter what the circumstances being alive is awesome. Keep making those good times. =]

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Dear Reader, I will apologize for the lengthy gaps in between posts. Hit a couple of personal road blocks that I had to figure my way around. The detours were plenty. Living the life, I am. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

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One question after another, part 4

25 questions continued…..

To start this post from the beginning, go here…  https://iam2stl.com/2013/10/03/one-question-after-another/

And then, go here…    https://iam2stl.com/2013/10/08/one-question-after-another-part-2/

Then, go here…   https://iam2stl.com/2013/11/07/one-question-after-another-part-3/

16. The misapprehension about yourself that you wish you could erase.  That I got it going on. That I know what I’m doing. I wake up everyday wondering how I might make it through this day. I am pretty resilient for the most part, and I do and say things in the minute that give the impression that I am all together. But I question and worry over everything.

17. The event that altered the course of your life and character.  It would have to be the ‘hair loss’ incident and it’s aftermath. (My self esteem was already taking a beating over the indian ink tattoos I now displayed on my skin.) I knew then that my life would always be ‘against all odds’. And so begins my – don’t judge me, I don’t give a crap – attitude. As a young girl I just wanted to be accepted, and loved. Like everyone else. Not. To. Be. I dared to be different. I wanted to be different. But losing my hair was an extreme I was not prepared for. And at 16, it was one of the worst possible times. I stayed in a mental funk for all those months, wondering and worrying about how I would live the rest of my life… 1/2 bald. Funny but I actually remember the day I noticed the first peach fuzz that was starting to grow!! Oh how happy I was!! You would have thought I won some major lottery or something!!

18. The crime you would commit if you knew you could get away with it. Driving my car as if it were an emergency vehicle. No laws to obey, speeding, weaving through traffic… siren-ing through stops of any kind. Yes I’ve fantasized about this many times!  (I’d like to add that another crime would be murder. The who and why isn’t important. =])

19. What song means the most to you. Itsy Bitsy Spider. I learned it as a kid, and I’ve loved it since! I sang and taught it to both of my kids and their kids too. I’ve sang and taught it to babies of friends and family. For a long time I didn’t understand my draw to this little ditty, but it’s the lesson. It’s ~~ no matter what you face.. it will get better. (So the rain washed him from the spout? No problem… the sun will come out again and dry it all up!) What a simple example.

20. The happiest moment you will cherish forever. Being with my Mom, at the birth of my first grandchild, Spencer. To share this important event with her! I am my Mom’s firstborn child, and we are with Shelby, my firstborn child, who is having her firstborn!! It was awesome… and beautiful… and incredible… and magic… and moving… and heart-swelling… and… and… and just everything wonderful. Mom and I talked many times about this, and she confessed that it was one of the greatest moments of her life. (Afternote… little man Spencer just celebrated his 10th birthday! Man, time is flying!!)

It truly takes just a second to reach out your hand, and say Thank You

 

thank a vet

On this Veteran’s Day 2013, I can’t say thank you enough to the Men and Women of every branch of service in our United States Military. Those who have served. Those who serve today. And those who gave their lives. I will honor you for the rest of my days. I Thank You.

 

 

This is a repost, originally published in February of this year…

It takes only a second…

He was on the bench, just inside the grocery store. Sitting there in slacks and dress shoes, wearing a freshly ironed plaid shirt, with his Retired Air Force cap straight on his balding head, he was just some old man waiting for his wife to finish shopping. The vacant look on his face makes most people think he isn’t all there… maybe alzheimers, maybe dementia, but he watched as each person passed him. I, too, watched as each person passed him, not giving him a thought.

I walked up to him, “Excuse me Sir”. I reached out my right hand and finished, “I’d like to Thank You for your service to our country”. He looked up at me, I saw as the tears began to well in his old eyes, he struggled to get up, once on his feet he squared himself, and reached out and took my hand in his. His grip was light but purposeful, gently squeezing my hand, his gratitude was like electricity running up my arm. “It was my honor to serve.” It was then that I saw the fire in his eyes… I took him back to another time, another place. Somewhere only he knows. I asked if I could sit with him a minute, I wanted to hear about his service. After a few minutes of hearing his personal story I realize all of his military history was lived before I was even born. But that matters not, to me. He served in one of the bloodiest wars of our time… and he returned. Many did not, and it’s for them that he represents.

A frail woman pushing a grocery cart, walks up to us. She eyed me with some suspicion, I stood up and reached my hand out to him one more time. “Again, let me thank you, Sir” I began, but this time he interrupted. “I’d like you to meet my wife, Mrs. Johnson, she is also retired.” I swing my open hand towards Mrs. Johnson, I say “Thank You, Mrs. Johnson, for your service to our country.”  She reached out, I cupped her tiny hand in both of mine and looked her right in the eye. “I am so proud of you both” I say. The frightened look gave way and this little woman grew a smile that warmed my soul.

I don’t know how I affected their day… but I am forever changed. And forever grateful for the freedoms that they were willing to give their lives for.

Thank You to all who currently serve, for those who have served, and for each soul whose fate was the ultimate sacrifice. You are not forgotten in my world.

One question after another, part 3

25 questions continued…

To start this post from the beginning, go here… https://iam2stl.com/2013/10/03/one-question-after-another/

To the second 5 questions, go here… https://iam2stl.com/2013/10/08/one-question-after-another-part-2/

11. The piece of wisdom you would pass on to a child. Keep the power of play in your life. And then play some more. Never stop playing. Growing up is not what you believe it to be. And when you do grow up… never stop playing.

12. The unlikely interest that grabs your curiosity. True crime stories, and it began with murder mysteries. My Mom was a big reader of the mysteries… so I started with all her hand me downs. Mostly Agatha Christie and Earl Stanley Gardner. When all that craziness was going on on the west coast with Charles Manson and his crew, in 1969, I was just wetting my appetite for true crime novels… then a few years later out came “Helter Skelter”, by Vincent Bugliosi. Wow. After that, I found “In Cold Blood” by Truman Capote. And it was on… throughout the years I have devoured whatever true crime books I could find. It simple amazes me, and it frightens and saddens me, what one human will do to another.

13. The treasured item you lost and wish you had again.  The year I was 16, after half of my hair was yanked off my head by a press pulley. That summer I went to work with my Dad, who was a printer. I leaned back in the chair I was sitting in and a printing press pulley caught my hair and instead of turning the press off and unraveling my hair, the pulley began pushing into my skull so I was yanked away from the machine. The shock to my skin/hair roots was so dramatic that it took close to a year before any hair began to grow. Remembering that I was 16 at the time of this incident, it was such a game changer for me… I was NOT like other girls. I was half bald. What guy was attracted to me? Good grief. Hats, scarves and constant comb over hairdos…. this is why I HATE hats of any kind!!

14. The unending quest that drives you on. Life itself. As I age, time seems to be moving faster. So each birthday I pass is a much sweeter celebration since there are so many who left us much too soon.

15. The poem that touches your soul. Corny as it sounds, I have two favorites and they both involve baseball. Who’s On First. Which was a skit done by Abbott and Costello. And ‘Casey at the Bat’ by Ernest Thayer. (I am a huge baseball fan, a bleed-red St Louis Cardinals fan for life!) The ‘Who’s on First’ skit I’ve seen many times and it’s funny!! I think I even tried to memorize it back then! But Casey at the Bat, that was real to me. As I was a ball player growing up I felt every moment of this poem ~ as I struck out many times in my own little Mudville.