I get it.
I went on a road trip to St Louis recently. I rode with my Alabama Bestie who was going to a family get together. Her dads family is from the area. Her husband happen to mention it one night and of course I blurted out… ‘Can I go???” I looked forward to this trip for multiple reasons.. the main being I would get to see my Mom. As her health is failing any opportunity to get to St Louis is top priority!! Getting to spend time with my friend was another benefit!
The only thing I had issues with was all those miles and I didn’t drive. Oh… that was sooooo haaarrrrd… but! She can drive too! (Yay!!) The ride was mostly uneventful and as I rode along the same route I take when I am at the wheel, I saw things I don’t normally notice. Little things, seen flying by through the windows. Eyes focused on the art of driving and these wonders go unseen.
As she drove and I rode, I was able to spy on all the other drivers. And I did me some looking! When I am driving the only thing I notice about those who are out on the roads are what vehicles they drive. I still pride myself on recognizing most makes and models of cars. I don’t notice the occupants much (unless they have just acted a fool which requires me to visually voice my opinion on their stupidity! I do make it a point to initiate eye contact to be sure my ‘voice’ was heard).
I saw people of every race, sex and age. I saw people sitting solitarily or mini vans stuffed to the gills with kids, animals and general stuff. As I looked into a split second of their worlds, it’s the people that caught my interest. And as I am a girl, I really looked at the men. How funny, just glancing for what?, a few seconds at the most?, I can decide whether he would be my type. Young, old, bald, hairy, big, small, light, dark… oh my gosh… if they look good… I like them all!! But I find I am drawn to a certain age group. Between 15 to 20 years younger than where I am. That’s not a bad gap (…. well unless I was 30, then that would be creepy…)
It occurred to me that I was man-watching in the age group I most identify with. Even though I grow older physically, I have rested my mind in my late 30’s early 40’s. I truly believe that your mind stays young – always. So as I had this thought, I suddenly realized that the syndrome of the older man younger woman is just him reflecting his inner age.
What an epiphany!!
All the years I spent thinking of these dirty old men running around with young girls… ewww so nasty! Then in recent times more and more older woman running around with young men… ewww……. well.
Sometimes it takes a minute to get stuff. I found myself peering into all these lives as we flew past on the way to our destination, and I finally got it. It isn’t at all what I envisioned it being. I understand. You do not intentionally go hunting someone younger. Our outsides become older. But not the insides. In the mind we remain our younger selves. The calendar that hangs on my wall says I will be 55 on my next birthday… but my mind does not follow that calendar. My mind doesn’t follow any calendar. My mind is still at the beginning. As I learn more things I become more knowledgeable – yes – but that doesn’t make me old!! So because I think as a young woman I forget the calendar and the age of my body. I think with the young mind that I still possess. I find myself more attracted to those who still have a love for life and the daring to live it.
I told my Mom about having these thoughts and she really floored me when she explained similar feelings. At 77 her body is in it’s last days.. but her mind is still sharp as a tack. She told me she also doesn’t “think” her age. I had to ask, “what’s your thinking age”? She replied… “in my 50’s”!! How strange!!
And so because of becoming enlightened to my current state of mind, my only thought is… I never wanna grow up!